THE CHAPTER FOUR BLOG

Questions? You can ask me anything ... just not anonymously.  

"I'm not even an atheist so much as I am an anti-theist; I not only maintain that all religions are versions of the same untruth, but I hold that the influence of churches, and the effect of religious belief, is positively harmful." - Christopher Hitchens in Letters to a Young Contrarian.

"When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying the cross." - Sinclair Lewis

“Religion has ever been anti-human, anti-women, anti-life, anti-peace, anti-reason, and anti-science. The god idea has been detrimental not only to humankind, but to the earth. It is time now for reason, education, and science to take over.” - Madalyn Murray O'Hair


...................................................

Eòin - Painter and government employee. Writer, photographer, pitbull wrangler, devourer of books and films and knowledge, gardener, hesitant self-taught cook, and brave little traveler. People say I should have been an archivist of some sort. I think I should have been a paleontologist - I’d be out digging right now. I have always had rescue dogs and you can see two of them throughout these pages.

Recently divorced after fifteen years. Still figuring out the life that follows. Over three decades, I lived in Seattle, San Francisco, and then Manhattan - now I make my home in rural New England. I like the quiet. I like the forest. I like snow in the winter. I like growing my own broccoli rabe. I like buying fresh, local goat's milk cheese.

This is chapter four.

Every dust jacket in a sleeve, every paperback just wanting to die from the shame of oh-so-finite usefulness and value.
"Hey, you look a little jaundiced. Are you okay?"
For davenport-6:
All I know is you better mean so bad at the actual wrapping process and not so bad at keeping your own books safely wrapped.
Or, I will never trust another librarian as long as I live.
(Do I need to send you a Brodart gift certificate?)

Every dust jacket in a sleeve, every paperback just wanting to die from the shame of oh-so-finite usefulness and value.

"Hey, you look a little jaundiced. Are you okay?"

For davenport-6:

All I know is you better mean so bad at the actual wrapping process and not so bad at keeping your own books safely wrapped.

Or, I will never trust another librarian as long as I live.

(Do I need to send you a Brodart gift certificate?)

— 1 hour ago with 2 notes
#preserving books  #mylar  #Brodart  #librarians 
Here’s one for you:
Me in email: Can you identify the contents of this image above and beyond the obvious dirty cotton balls laying on a paper towel?
Scott K. about 3.2 seconds later: Have you been cleaning valuable first editions?
Me: That’s three cottons balls from cleaning a “like new” first edition with a ”very fine” dust jacket. And I might add, only the front of the dust jacket. Not even the spine. But not really valuable at all. Just valuable to me - obviously only valuable to me.
Scott K.: Let’s figure out where this douche bookseller lives and administer some bookworld justice with sticks and fists.

Here’s one for you:

Me in email: Can you identify the contents of this image above and beyond the obvious dirty cotton balls laying on a paper towel?

Scott K. about 3.2 seconds later: Have you been cleaning valuable first editions?

Me: That’s three cottons balls from cleaning a “like new” first edition with a ”very fine” dust jacket. And I might add, only the front of the dust jacket. Not even the spine. But not really valuable at all. Just valuable to me - obviously only valuable to me.

Scott K.: Let’s figure out where this douche bookseller lives and administer some bookworld justice with sticks and fists.

— 1 hour ago with 3 notes
#used books  #used book dealers  #booksellers unite  #bookworld justice 
START USING IT.

I’m think going to start using the Icelandic phrase I quoted earlier - under my breath, of course - in daily speech rather than the usual, “Oh, fuck me.”

Ekkert af ofangreindu er rétt.

Which means “None of the above are correct.”

Everyone I know and interact with thinks I’m a complete freak - a super nice, caring, interesting freak who knows his job surprising well after four months and is “looking okay” for 47 apparently - but a freak nonetheless. And probably pretentious. I did ask a client today if the address he was referencing in Paris was near the Rodin Museum, as I remembered, for God’s sake. (It was.)

It pairs nicely with my favorite Danish expression:

Tomme tønder buldre mest.

Which means “Empty barrels rumble the loudest.” 

An incredibly sensual Danish doctoral student who stood about 6’3” and was named Katrine - and who stayed with me for two weeks in the mid-90s and would have been the better inspiration for Charlie’s Angels given the existence of a time machine - taught me that. She also liked to make and wait for coffee in my kitchen in panties without a bra or shirt about three minutes before I stumbled into the kitchen and sent me hand-carved wooden turtles from Belize.

Unfortunately, the expression came up in regards to the Danish teacher at my university with whom I was madly in love and whom she abhorred on sight.

We’ll call him Mikkel. I always loved the name of his parents’ home’s street in Copenhagen: Hillerødgade.

Red Hill Street.

— 2 hours ago with 5 notes
#freak  #pretentious  #Hillerødgade  #Danish girls 
Photos from the nerd porn series.
Anyman: Hey, Eòin. What are you up to this fine Friday night.
Me: Oh, you know.
Anyman: No, I don’t know.
Me: Well, I thought I’d walk the dogs, not eat dinner, and then clean and wrap a half dozen dust jackets that are not "near fine" and belonging to books that are hardly "like new" as the online used book dealers described them.
Anyman: Oh …. Really?
Me: Yeah, well I get a little riled up sometimes because of the lack of honesty and integrity that real used and rare book dealers used to have, but only one Amazon seller has called me an asshole this week for telling him I was returning his “like new” book - an ex-library with ten library ID stamps and a barcode over the title, which he continues to claim is in fact “like new” because it is “unread.”

Photos from the nerd porn series.

Anyman: Hey, Eòin. What are you up to this fine Friday night.

Me: Oh, you know.

Anyman: No, I don’t know.

Me: Well, I thought I’d walk the dogs, not eat dinner, and then clean and wrap a half dozen dust jackets that are not "near fine" and belonging to books that are hardly "like new" as the online used book dealers described them.

Anyman: Oh …. Really?

Me: Yeah, well I get a little riled up sometimes because of the lack of honesty and integrity that real used and rare book dealers used to have, but only one Amazon seller has called me an asshole this week for telling him I was returning his “like new” book - an ex-library with ten library ID stamps and a barcode over the title, which he continues to claim is in fact “like new” because it is “unread.”

— 3 hours ago with 7 notes
#used books  #nerd porn 
I was trying to watch Jimmy Fallon’s “Catchphrase” segment from last night - I follow the Jimmy Fallon Tumblr because the clips, without having to watch the entire show, are often hilarious.
Anyways, I was trying to watch the Jimmy Fallon “Catchphrase” segment with Giarda de Laurentiis. I know who she is and have seen her show as Ben was addicted to cooking shows no matter how bad they were. But, no. I had to stop after about two minutes.
And I kept thinking, wouldn’t Giarda de Laurentiis be a lot more interesting if her entire public persona wasn’t based on her chosen look? Which is, of course, “Douchebag from Fort Worth’s trophy wife who died in a tanning booth while pretending to have an Italian accent.”
Does saying that make me a douchebag, too? Should I find a trophy wife who died in a tanning booth to make things right?

I was trying to watch Jimmy Fallon’s “Catchphrase” segment from last night - I follow the Jimmy Fallon Tumblr because the clips, without having to watch the entire show, are often hilarious.

Anyways, I was trying to watch the Jimmy Fallon “Catchphrase” segment with Giarda de Laurentiis. I know who she is and have seen her show as Ben was addicted to cooking shows no matter how bad they were. But, no. I had to stop after about two minutes.

And I kept thinking, wouldn’t Giarda de Laurentiis be a lot more interesting if her entire public persona wasn’t based on her chosen look? Which is, of course, “Douchebag from Fort Worth’s trophy wife who died in a tanning booth while pretending to have an Italian accent.”

Does saying that make me a douchebag, too? Should I find a trophy wife who died in a tanning booth to make things right?

— 3 hours ago with 6 notes
#Giarda de Laurentiis 
Once again, beating tacocattacos to the reblog.

someoneatethis:
I made this for my boyfriend to let him know I don’t mind that he has a small dick. 

Once again, beating tacocattacos to the reblog.

someoneatethis:

I made this for my boyfriend to let him know I don’t mind that he has a small dick. 

— 3 hours ago with 189 notes
#someoneatethis  #small dick 
For scottstartsover:
Mr. Jones, Dad, Pop, John … he was a very nice man. Howard doesn’t or didn’t drive and I was perfectly happy to walk back to the station to catch the train back to London, but his dad insisted on driving me. I can’t remember what kind of car he drove, but it was very small and sounded very European.
(We all met up in High Wycombe in the house where Howard and his brothers grew up and where his parents still lived. I can’t for the life of me remember his mother’s name.)
John must be long, long gone. That was more than 25 years ago and he was probably 70 at the time.
Christ, we’re getting so old.
Howard Jones trivia: Before making the big time, he performed under the name Dredzilla.

For scottstartsover:

Mr. Jones, Dad, Pop, John … he was a very nice man. Howard doesn’t or didn’t drive and I was perfectly happy to walk back to the station to catch the train back to London, but his dad insisted on driving me. I can’t remember what kind of car he drove, but it was very small and sounded very European.

(We all met up in High Wycombe in the house where Howard and his brothers grew up and where his parents still lived. I can’t for the life of me remember his mother’s name.)

John must be long, long gone. That was more than 25 years ago and he was probably 70 at the time.

Christ, we’re getting so old.

Howard Jones trivia: Before making the big time, he performed under the name Dredzilla.

— 4 hours ago with 4 notes
#Howard Jones  #John Jones  #Dredzilla  #1980s 
My dashboard is full of Titusauri tonight.
-
Since some dick along the way decided the photographer didn’t need to be given attribution and deleted her name and link from the original post - This photo is by dohlongma who can be found on Flickr. Her most recent posts are some lovely photos of highland cattle.

My dashboard is full of Titusauri tonight.

-

Since some dick along the way decided the photographer didn’t need to be given attribution and deleted her name and link from the original post - This photo is by dohlongma who can be found on Flickr. Her most recent posts are some lovely photos of highland cattle.

(Source: coffeenuts, via menandtheirdogs)

— 4 hours ago with 3955 notes
#dogs  #not my dogs  #dohlongma  #highland cattle 
ELEVEN QUESTIONS.

Tagged by soulproprietorship. Not tagging anyone else.

What book most influenced you spiritually?

The first Buddhist book I ever read was Peace Is Every Step by Thích Nhất Hạnh and that definitely had an impact. A long and expensive impact. There was Rainer Maria Rilke’s Letters To A Young Poet, a very powerful book that I’ve read at least 25 times. Edmund White’s Nocturnes for the King of Naples took my breath away and haunted me for months, though meeting him and having dinner with him a few years later - with icky Matthew Stadler - turned me off immensely. And, of course, The Bible - for obvious reasons.

What song will always take you back to a happy moment?

Paul and Linda McCartney’s “Uncle Albert/Admiral Halsey” is one. I was just a baby Eòin when that came out and only heard it at my heathen cousins’ house, but I remember it instilled me with the joy that is the magic of music. Brahms’ First Piano Quartet was also a very early love. And Blondie’s “11:59.”

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be, and why?

I would very much like to live in the Faroes Islands, but that would require speaking Faroese fluently as it would simply be rude to expect the Faroese people to have to communicate with me in any other language. Why? Because it’s beautiful and simple and the people are amazing.

As I mentioned unsolicited last night, I do love Tromsø in the far north of Norway. Again, there is the language barrier, currently, but Norwegian is infinitely easier than Faroese and Tromsø is enchanting. Also, again, because it’s beautiful and simple and the people are amazing.

If you could meet any celebrity living or dead, who would it be, and why?

I’ve thought about this question many times. It would probably be Judy Holliday before she got sick. Like take her lunch that afternoon after she told the House Un-American Activities Committee, in so many words, to stick it up their collective asses - in her own oh-so-special way.

If you were wealthy and could pursue any career, what would you choose and why?

I would paint, read books, and walk around my town buying lunch for kids and old people whether they could afford to buy their own lunch or not. The only conditions would be that they had to choose my lunch and tell me their stories. Also, I would give tons of my money to GLBTQ youth groups in countries where LGBTQ youth are most at risk. And have a pitbull rescue.

I suppose those aren’t really careers. As a job, if money were no object, I would raise goats and make goat cheese and goat yogurt. Milk them by hand, of course, and play with them every day so they made happy milk.

Football or baseball?

No. Nope. Ekkert af ofangreindu er rétt.

Cake or pie?

Pie. Always pie. Stone fruit pie. Very rarely cake, and then it has to be super dense and super moist. Basically a six-inch tall super brownie the size of a hubcap. This is just one of the reasons I hate birthday parties. I’ve never cared for fancy desserts and am lost in fancy restaurants when it comes time that you are obligated to have dessert.

I like things a farmer’s mother would make six of on a Saturday afternoon in autumn.

And pain au chocolat.

Most embarrassing thing you’re willing to admit?

I wrote a two truths, one lie post the other day and admitted to something pretty bad that absolutely know one knows about, but then decided not to post it. Let’s see …

I was a regular bed wetter until the age of 13, and even at 21 was still afraid to “stay the night” lest something untoward happen. and I could never speak to that person again.

Proudest moment you can recall?

How about just something I’m proud of rather than proudest moment, because I have no idea what that absolute might be?

On at least 20 occasions, I have deliberately worn outfits that more than didn’t match, or more than clashed, for the sole purpose of embarrassing a shallow boyfriend in front of his cunty friends.

If they were especially cunty, I would tell them how I just read “this amazing story by Samuel Beckett” in which an elderly man would shit himself every morning so that the nurses would have to clean him up - because it was the only time at that point in his life when he was ever touched. That, my friends, was a Show Stopper™.

Nicest thing anyone has ever done for you?

Howard Jones’ father drove me to the train station once.

In high school, my 10th grade English teacher made for me an audio recording on cassette - cheap Certron brand cassettes, no less - of Ordinary People from HBO because I wasn’t allowed to see it.

What was the scariest moment of your life?

Probably getting stabbed at 15, not because I was stabbed but because at that moment I saw the devil’s eyes. Or the closest ting to the devil’s eyes one can see since there’s no such thing. And, it wasn’t just seeing the devil’s eyes, it was knowing I had to live with them in the same house for 20 more months.

— 4 hours ago with 10 notes
#eleven questions  #questions  #answers  #christians  #fundamentalist christians  #Howard Jones  #Howard Jones' dad  #Samuel Beckett  #Judy Holliday  #bed wetting  #bedwetter  #Uncle Albert/Admiral Halsey  #Nocturnes for the King of Naples  #Faroe Islands  #Tromsø  #fruit pies  #cunty friends  #goat cheese 
SPEAKING OF ERNIE.

I’ve given up.

There is no place for me to position myself on the bed, position Ernie on the bed, or position both of us on the bed at the same time, that I will not get kicked in the balls at least twice during the night by what feels like a feral Brahma bull.

— 5 hours ago with 5 notes
#Ernie  #Ernie the Dog  #dogs  #my dogs  #90-pound mongrel  #kicked in the balls 

This is Oscar the (beautiful) Vizsla who hates alarm clocks, posted on the Oscar Vizsla YouTube page.

Oscar isn’t a pitbull like Titus, but that is the Titusaurusey Titusaurus that Titusaurused a Titusaurus. (When he actually hears the alarm clock and doesn’t just dream right through it.)

(As soon as Oscar started to make noise, Ernie started barking his head off.)

(Click here to see Oscar watch this same video.)

— 5 hours ago with 6 notes
#Oscar  #Oscar the Vizsla  #Titus  #Titusaurus  #Vizsla  #pitbulls  #alarm clocks  #sir no sir 
"When I pick up hitchhikers, I like to wait a while before I say anything. …….. …….. …….. …….. …….. …….. …….. …….. ‘So, how far do you think you’re going?’"
Steven Wright
— 1 day ago with 4 notes
#Steven Wright 
"It’s a small world. But I wouldn’t want to paint it."
Steven Wright
— 1 day ago with 4 notes
#Steven Wright  #small world 
"There’s an old saying, I don’t know if you’ve heard it: Neurotics build castles in the sky and psychotics live in them? Yes? Well, my mother cleans them."
Rita Rudner
— 1 day ago with 6 notes
#Rita Rudner 
Because Tilda Swinton.
Because Tilda Swinton, after being cast as The White Witch, had to vigorously battle Disney executives who wanted the make the fucking White Witch look Arab.
Because brown people are the bad guys, m’kay.

Because Tilda Swinton.

Because Tilda Swinton, after being cast as The White Witch, had to vigorously battle Disney executives who wanted the make the fucking White Witch look Arab.

Because brown people are the bad guys, m’kay.

— 1 day ago with 11 notes
#Tilda Swinton  #The White Witch  #brown people are bad